What’s the difference between #ABUSE and #BDSM? And a few BDSM Phrases explained.

50 shades of hay

50 Shades of Grey has confused some vanillies (as I like to call them, or people outside of the BDSM loop).

He’s hitting her. It’s abuse!

Now here’s the thing:

If he was doing it without her consent and if she didn’t have the power to stop him with a safe word at any given moment, yes, you could call that abuse. What Christian Grey did to Anastasia was consensual and is commonly referred to as ‘a damn good spanking.’ It was no secret that Anastasia enjoyed what Mr Grey managed to do with her body, even if it perhaps wasn’t exactly to her liking at first. She didn’t make many moves to stop him, that’s for certain!

Submissive

There are quite a few women in the world who like to call themselves ‘submissive’ although often this may only be in the bedroom department. It means that they want the man to be in control and they want little, if any, control over love making. If they are submissive 24/7 then they want to hand control over to the Dominant of most, if not every, aspect of their daily life and routine. It can be a demanding lifestyle, but it certainly has its rewards!

So what is kinky sex?

Kinky sex is when one of the parties involved in love making wants to be tied up, spanked or anything else just a little bit out of the ordinary. They might have a secret shoe fetish, they might love latex, they might want to indulge in wax play or they might just enjoy the adrenaline rush of doing something out of the ‘vanilla ordinary.’

What is a Top?

A top refers to a Dominant male or woman and a bottom refers to a submissive.

TPE

This is what is known as: ‘Total Power Exchange’ or APE, ‘Absolute Power Exchange.’ It is where all power is taken from one party and delivered into the hands of the other. That means that the party who has handed over their power is at the mercy of the other. They are at the beck and call of the dominant, to do with as they please, when they please and wherever they please.

Red heels

For those new to BDSM or exploring the lifestyle you might want to check out this article from Xeromag:

A-FRAME: A type of bondage furniture consisting of an upright triangle, usually made of wood and typically about seven to eight feet tall, sometimes with cross slats. A person can be bound to the frame with wrists together, arms above the head and affixed to the pinnacle of the triangle, and ankles bound to the base of the triangle with legs apart.

ABASIOPHILIA: Psychology Sexual attraction to people in or who use wheelchairs, casts, braces, or other orthopedic fixtures.

ABRASION: Any form of sensation play involving stroking or brushing the skin with rough, textured objects such as sandpaper, emery boards, and the like.

ABSOLUTE POWER EXCHANGE (APE): See total power exchange. Usage: Less common than TPE.

ADULT BABY: Colloquial A person who engages in infantilism in the role of a very young child or infant.

AFTERCARE: A period of time after intense BDSM activity in which the dominant partner cares for the submissive partner. Commentary: Some BDSM activities are physically challenging, psychologically intense, or both. After engaging in such activities, the submissive partner may need a safe psychological space to unwind and recover. Aftercare is the process of providing this safe space.

AGE PLAY: A form of role play in which a participant assumes the role of someone of a different age. Typically, the submissive partner will assume the role of a very young (and hence powerless) child. See related adult baby, infantalism. Commentary: One common misperception about age play is that it appeals to pedophiles or is intended to simulate pedophilia. For those who engage in this activity, it is the powerlessness aspect of childhood and the inherent power imbalance between an adult and a child, rather than the childhood itself, that is appealing.

AGONOPHILIA: Psychology; see resistance play.

AGORAPHILIA: Psychology Sexual arousal from sex in public places. Does not necessarily involve exhibitionism; the excitement may come from the fear of being caught, rather than from being observed in a sex act.

ALGOPHILIA; also, ALGOLAGNIA: Psychology Sexual arousal from receiving pain. See also masochist; See related pain play, sadomasochism, sadist.

ALPHA SUB: Colloquial In a relationship in which one dominant has more than one submissive, the submissive accorded the greatest power or respect among all the submissives. See related polyamory: »polyamory«; polyamory: »primary/secondary«. Commentary Not all relationships which have more than one submissive include a hierarchy among the submissives; that is, not all such relationships have an alpha sub.

Read the full glossary of terms at Xeromag here. Happy reading 😉

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