This post is reblogged with thanks from Southern Sir’s Place.
It is something you don’t hear much about; Dom Drop or as it is sometimes called Top Drop. No, it is not about a sub dumping their Dom. It is not about a Dom falling out of bed. Nor is it about a Dom falling off a ladder or downstairs for that matter.
Dom Drop is very similar to sub-drop in many respects. When in a scene a Dome is experiencing the very same rush of endorphins just like a sub, add into that a rush of adrenaline as well and you have quite a cocktail. Aftercare of a sub is imperative, there is no dancing around it. I am very big about administering aftercare; once a scene is over, especially if a sub is in deep sub-space they need you to be there for them.
Let’s face it what we do is dangerous, we often joke about TTWD and have a well deserved laugh but the possibility of someone getting hurt especially a sub is very real.
The entire time during a scene a good Dom will be aware of that, it doesn’t go away, it isn’t swept under a rug. A misplaced smack, an unsteady hand with a whip, a rope tie that is to tight causing blood flow to be cut off, the possibility is always there. That is just another aspect of what a Dom bears in his mind, the weight he carries.
Dom Drop can manifest itself in different ways depending on the person, the intensity of the scene or scenes and can be either physical or emotional.
When the rush of endorphins and adrenaline is gone there can be a physical reaction, just like coming down off a candy rush. A better way to look at it is if you have even been in an accident, your senses are heightened, you are dealing with the situation, some people in times like that have even exhibited extreme strength.
Once the emergency is over, the endorphin and adrenaline rush is gone and you crash. You feel every muscle in your body, any injuries you didn’t feel before will now be felt. It sounds a lot like sub-drop and in a sense it is. This can happen to a Dom after a scene as well, it may not manifest itself immediately but can happen a day or more after play.
Myself after our 19 hours of play this past weekend today I felt the muscle soreness sinking in. Slight aches that I didn’t understand until I thought back on all that went on between us this past weekend. Last night I lay down to read for a while before I went to sleep and I ended up falling asleep Kindle in hand and lights still on. I was in such a deep sleep I never even heard the phone ring when she called for our nightly talk.
I have no doubt that the 3 hour ride there and back certainly helped contribute to my exhaustion and soreness but would it have been quite as bad if we didn’t have 19 hours of very intense play? Probably not.
One thing that would certainly help in a case like this is fluids. Drinking a lot of water will help flush your body. I’m sure if anyone who reads here has any medical background they can chime in if I am off the mark. When you do any type of exercise or use muscles hard for a while you can build up lactic acid when carbs are broken down for energy. Drinking water or even Gatorade can help to flush that from your system and alleviate the muscle soreness.
The emotional side of Dom Drop is a little more insidious. I experienced it once very intensely.
This hits you and you may well feel like you are experiencing a deep melancholy, self-doubt, lethargy, listlessness, and in some cases guilt. Spanking, flogging, and causing harm per se to some one goes against the so called norm of society. I know I for one had it drilled into me as a young man you don’t hit women, it just isn’t done. Yet that is exactly what I like to do and enjoy it. Consensual of course.
There is that fine line though; while BDSM is not abuse there can still be that hint of guilt that can creep in.
It is most important when you begin to feel like that you recognize it for what it is Dom Drop!
When this happens there are a number of things you can do. First is to recognize it for what it is. Sometimes taking some “me time” can be helpful, going somewhere quiet and just relaxing, listening to music, reading a book. Do something that challenges you, engaging in a hobby you like.
Don’t stop being a Dom, don’t let your rules and protocols slack. It is like riding a horse, if you fall off you get right back on. The same thing here, don’t stop being a Dom.
Do things that make you laugh, watch a comedy show or movie.
If you find yourself becoming depressed which can happen; communicate! Talk to your sub about what is happening, yes you are the Dominant and are supposed to be strong but there comes a point where the trust and communication aspect steps in if it gets too bad.
Sometimes all it takes is for your sub to tell you that they love you, that they enjoyed what you did during a scene. Tell your Dom that what they did was exactly what you needed that can go a long way to pulling them out of Dom Drop. Even as a Dom we need that gentle reassurance.
Just as we make sure a sub eats healthy before a scene and has plenty of fluids before and after a scene to keep them hydrated and fueled the same goes for us Dom’s. Eat a good meal before a session, afterwards drink plenty of fluids, while making sure your sub is drinking during her aftercare don’t forget yourself.
While Dom Drop may not happen every time you play being aware of what can happen and taking the steps to lessen it’s impact can go a long way to having a safe, fun, and healthy kinky relationship.
By John Brownstone