It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.
If it wasn’t for pickpockets and frisking at airports I’d have no sex life at all.
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.
When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better.
What’s wrong with a little incest? It’s both handy and cheap.
I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
A terrible thing happened to me last night again – Nothing.
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.
My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.
It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet.
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Honore de Balzac
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as women.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “the man goes on top and the woman underneath”. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.
Arthur C. Clarke
I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn’t pass the physical.