Common Misconceptions in the #BDSM World

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Myth 1

BDSM is abusive behaviour. 

A top or DOMINANT is ministering to the submissive. She’s the main player in this show, and although the kinky play will enhance both partners sexual excitement for the most part, the sub is in control. If she doesn’t like what the Dom is doing, she only has to utter her safeword or walk. That’s what a BDSM relationship is all about.

Around twenty percent of people enjoy kinky play (this figure is probably shortly due to rocket with the advent of 50 Shades of Grey!) and over 50% of women enjoy a little bit of pain to enhance their climax.

The BDSM code is always SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL, and a list of rules and regulations for play are usually discussed before any bedroom antics begin. Thus, the submissive ultimately calls the shots.

If actual bodily harm is caused, then if we’re talking legalities, this can be a grey area in some countries. It’s always best to check the law first. A sound spanking, however, delivering nothing more than a pair of pinkened buttocks shouldn’t be too much cause for concern.

Myth 2

BDSM is about pain.

It’s actually about control. The power play exchange lets you deliver up control of a situation and the dominant can interpret that in several ways. The submissive may enjoy bondage and having his/her movement restricted. They may enjoy being blindfolded or gagged. Feather play and edge play may be involved. Some couples will not touch upon the pain side of BDSM in any shape or form.

If the submissive enjoys pain, then a different set of rules will come into play. Nipple clamps, floggers, belts, a riding crop… you name it, there are plenty of ways to add a little pain-filled spice to your sexual play.

Myth 3

Submissives have low self esteem

Quite often, the opposite is often the case. The submissive often has a high ranking or supervisory role in her day to day career and wants nothing more than to give up control when she hits the bedroom. Being in charge can get tiring and there is a lot of freedom to be had in relinquishing all your inhibitions and giving yourself to another. It can also be incredibly erotic.

Myth 4

People who engage in BDSM are not normal

This one bumps back and forth a lot. Firstly, it’s very difficult to define ‘normal’ in today’s world, but it’s safe to say that most people who practice BDSM are not crazy. BDSM is often practiced by very intelligent people. The smarter you are, the more detailed, creative and kinky your fantasies might be. Women or indeed men who lead stressful day-to-day lives in their  careers, often enjoy being dominated as a way of release. This doesn’t mean that they all want to be dominated 24/7 – but every now again can add a delicious kick to their sex lives.

Myth 5

It’s all about SEX

Not true. The fetish and bondage scenes will often involve no actual sex at all. Similarly other play such as pony-play or puppy play may involve no sexual activity. It’s the control element that interests both parties.

Myth 6

You have to wear kinky clothes

I think 50 Shades of Grey at least managed to iron that one out. You can wear kinky clothes if you like them. Similarly they may not be for you. It’s what the submissive and dominant feel comfortable with at the end of the day.

Myth 7

Female submissives are bisexual

Some might be, some aren’t. BDSM has a large umbrella of practising people with different ideas and different kinks. That’s why both partners talk to each other and negotiate through their fantasies. Even if a submissive does agree to play with another woman in a role-play or fantasy scene – this doesn’t necessarily mean she is bisexual.

This is only a few of the myths debunked… there are plenty more out there 😉  Feel free to debunk your favourites in the comments box below 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Common Misconceptions in the #BDSM World

  1. Pingback: ASMSG Romance Erotica Ezine – Common Misconceptions in the #BDSM World

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