Common BDSM Protocols and Etiquette

Nice Couple

 

In BDSM the relationship between master and submissive/slave is often enhanced through certain rituals, protocols or etiquette. These tend to reinforce the status of each individual and can be as simple as a submissive being required to open a door for her master or as complicated as having a set list of chores and duties that must be performed every day. Here are some samples:

Slave must remain naked in doors at all times.
Slave must wear a certain type of collar at all times
Slave must kneel at master’s feet whilst seated.
Slave must not establish eye contact with master.
Slave must great master on hands on knees.
Slave must not speak unless spoken to.
Slave must only speak about themselves in the third person i.e. This girl is hungry, Master.
Slave may be required to follow their master’s instructions as to what they may wear each day and their food choices may also be dictated by their master.
Slave may not be allowed to make simple choices as regards to their food or drink in a restaurant, choice of television programme or outing etc.
Slave is allowed no secrets from master.
Slave must always earn their pleasure by pleasing master.

B.E.S.T. Slave Training Guide has 50 rules which are expected to be learnt by their slaves, see the article HERE

The book ‘Submissive Protocol‘ by King Karvo may also interest you – a small sample included below:

1
PROTOCOL FOR THE BDSM SUBMISSIVE
THEORY OF
SUBMISSIVE
SERVICE

The basic principle of submissive service can be summed up in one word: Attentiveness.Your behavior should reflect your attentiveness to the dominant’s needs and desires at all times.Your role is to serve those needs and desires. Is your dominant about to light up a cigarette? Isyour dominant’s coffee cup empty or has the coffee grown cold? Does he or she need a chair tosit on? It is your job to ensure that the dominant’s comforts are served by making any and allappropriate arrangements to make the dominant’s life easy.Similarly, it is your joyful task to demonstrate, through your attitude and demeanor, that thedominant’s needs come first. Your ability to devotedly serve your dominant is a standard bywhich others will judge you AND your dominant. Not only will your attentiveness please your dominant but it will impress those you meet both with your dominant’s power and your submissiveness. In other words, you will be a submissive who a dominant is proud to collar andone who others will believe is worth collaring.Some submissives mistake their ability to take a heavy beating as the proof of their devotion.Certainly, it can be a highly erotic type of service to endure heavy pain for your dominant, butwhat about all those moments when your dominant isn’t “doing” you? Are you as good asubmissive to him during the quiet moments as you are when your dominant is giving you whatyou crave?Dominance and submission are anchored in the mental body. D/s involves power exchange andis usually time-delimited. Power exchange is used during a scene or during the time when thedominant and submissive are together; however, some protocols may be established to extend thescope of service to include instances when the dominant and submissive are not together.The submissive is NOT the dominant’s “girlfriend”. A “boyfriend/girlfriend” is a person withthe same rights and responsibilities as his/her partner. Within the confines of a D/s relationship,the submissive is property of the dominant, and only has those rights and privileges granted bythe dominant, as previously negotiated as part of the consensual exchange of power.The following guidelines will help you to convey to your dominant and others that your wish toserve is sincere.
2
GENERAL
COMMON
UNDERSTANDING
Submissive’s Obligations
In rank order, the submissive’s obligations are to her:

1.God

2.Biological Family

3.Education

4.Career/Professional Goals

5.Dominant

6.Household

7.BDSM Community

8.Extracurricular Activities

  • Dominant’s Responsibilities
    Sir is responsible for the submissive’s social, emotional, and physical well-being in the contextof the BDSM lifestyle. Sir is responsible always to do what is for the highest good of thesubmissive. In a larger sense, Sir will behave with respect to his submissive as a “ServantDominant”. In essence, Sir will serve his submissive in ways that best help them both to followtheir inner natures as they develop, mature, learn and grow in the lifestyle.
  • Grace, Elegance and Lucidity
    Sir seeks to build an environment of grace and elegance within the D/s relationship. To that end:
  • The submissive is responsible for identifying and employing ways of incorporating graceful movement into her presentation and style.
  • The submissive is expected to have and to use high-level language skills. Thesubmissive will use correct grammar and develop a vocabulary commensurate atleast with that of a person with a college degree.
  • The submissive is responsible for learning a pleasing vocal tonality, to modulateher voice, and to enunciate words clearly.
  • The submissive is responsible for being sensitive to personal dress andappearance at all times.
    Core Values and Expectations
    For the submissive, following requests, directives or instructions combines many positiveattributes, including faithful obedience, respect, dedication and trust. Sir holds the following ascore values that are critical to a successful D/s relationship.
  • Honesty – Being honest at all times will maximize our understanding of oneanother. The submissive is to avoid passive-aggressive behaviors, as thesecombine two unattractive traits: dishonesty and an unwillingness to communicatedirectly.
  • Dedication – By nature, this is destined to be an intense relationship. It takesdedication and commitment to keep it a satisfying experience for both parties.
  • Respect – Mutual respect between one another is the cornerstone of anyrelationship. Sir will respect the limits and safety of the submissive. Thesubmissive will respect the expectations of Sir, as outlined herein.
  • 3
    ETIQUETTE
    Rules Governing “House” Relations
    The House of Pilam is a polyamorous BDSM family. The following rules and guidelines shallgovern at all times, to all members of the House:
  • Be loyal to those not present. Family members will not discuss House issues withothers outside the House. No personal information about family members will beshared with others outside the House. If the submissive hears someone speakingill of another, the submissive is to suggest to the complaining party that he/shefind a way to discuss it directly and constructively with that person.
  • Don’t complain to others. If the submissive has a concern or complaint, it should be brought to Sir. Concerns and complaints will receive a better reception if theyare presented as facts/issues devoid of emotion and spin. That is, there is an“issue” and there is the “story about the issue.” Sir is not to be concerned with thestory.
  • Do more than your fair share. Sir recognizes that much is required of asubmissive. But that’s the nature of the deal. Sir works very hard to create amutually gratifying world both for himself and his submissives. Sir needssubmissives to be searching for ways of helping support their mutual vision.
  • Be dependable. The submissive is expected to be where Sir has indicated, whenSir has specified, prepared to do the task-at-hand. The specifics of location andtime commitments will be negotiated and agreed to by both parties.
  • Anticipate what Sir is going to do next. Good family members rarely need to tellone another what to do next because the partner is already doing it.
  • Be flexible. The submissive must be able to act quickly once she understands asituation. The submissive must learn to recognize when situations call for certainactions.
  • Be punctual. Naturally, this applies to any commitment. The submissive willtake care to complete tasks or arrive at meetings early. If the submissive suspectsthat she will be unable to keep a time commitment, the submissive must reach Sir by phone to explain the delay and recommit to a revised deadline or arrival time.

4 thoughts on “Common BDSM Protocols and Etiquette

  1. This points out in clear detail why I’d make a lousy slave. Even the notion of submissiveness comes into question for me. Great article, Christina. Thanks for sharing.

  2. M. does not require a great deal of protocols to follow when we move into D/s mode — just some procedures to help the shift take place. We don’t use them IRL because our initial D/s only dynamic has shifted with illness and Life challenges. But,those small amount of protocols are very important — they make the shift happen in both of our minds and allow us to fully run Master/submissive-slave. When we shift His word is law and I am owned.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *